Category Archives: Funny

Thoughts and Catchphrases and Such

A few days ago on Facebook I suggested that people who are getting way too worked up about certain issues should “just go kiss some puppies”. That slightly odd phrase had just popped into my head somehow and I didn’t give it even a second’s thought. But later it occurred to me that it’s actually a pretty good silly catchphrase. You know what I mean? Chill out; get over it; get a grip; take a chill pill; get a hobby; go kiss some puppies.

I’d love to see it catch on but I know it won’t because I’m me, not a famous Hollywood script writer but I’m going to use it whenever it seems appropriate. It will be my catchphrase and the way the world is now I’m thinking there will be many opportunities to use it.

It also occurs to me that it might be a good “Thought for the Week,” a cute way of telling people to just let go of whatever’s bugging them or a suggestion for a quick stress buster: Go kiss some puppies.

(I need a nice, shareable image to go with that.)

Planet Fangirl

I think I might be a David Attenborough fangirl. Don’t worry, we’re a little less screamy than your typical fangirl.

“I’m First!” – “No, I’m First!”

The world’s first head transplant will be performed within the next 2 years. Or it has already been performed this past February. Oh, what to believe?! The answer, as always… Snopes. The “news” story at the second link is a hoax. No head transplants have been done yet. Darn. I kinda wanted to believe, especially since they said it was successful.

It seems Paul Horner is a name that has appeared in a number of unrelated hoaxes. My sympathy to any real Paul Horners there might be out there. You know there must be a few.

All-Natural Chemicals

I have nothing better to post this morning so let’s pick on the Food Babe. I saw this thing on Facebook, quoting her saying that she would not eat anything that an 8-year-old could not pronounce. So, I’m just wondering how many of these words the average 8-year-old can pronounce and whether or not Ms. Hari eats bananas. Or anything else. Well… she must eat something since she’s still alive.

Yes, It Is Time For New Eyeglasses

My bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper has an ad on the label for Avengers: Age of Ultron. When I first looked at it I could have sworn it said “Ass of Ultron”. After taking off my glasses, holding the bottle closer, and squinting and staring at it for a few seconds I was able to make out that the word is actually “Age”. It seems to me though, that Ass of Ultron has possibilities as a movie. “Age of” is so overused.

It just so happens that I did already have an eye Dr. appointment scheduled.

Oklahoma’s Seasons

We have more than just 4 seasons here in Oklahoma. I saw this on Facebook and it is absolutely correct.

The seasons in Oklahoma

Winter
Spring
Winter
Really COLD Winter
Spring
Tornado Season 1
Winter’s back!
Spring
Tornado Season 2
Summer
Really HOT Summer
Dear Lord, what did we do to deserve to burn?
Fall
Just kidding, still summer
Tornado season 3
Fall
Winter
Tornado Season 4
Christmas

Mid-Week Music and Fun Break

My original intention was to look for something in a minor key to go with today’s weather. But then I saw this at Fillyjonk’s Progress and thought, of all the days to be appropriate this is not one of them. This is NOT one of my favorite tunes but it’s okay and it’s fun. Fun and sunshine, that’s what I need.

This ‘n’ That

I don’t know who created this but it is perfect for me right now.

But, you know… I don’t know why I feel that way because I really only have a few things going on and none of them are a really huge fat hairy deal and there’s nothing that’s, “OMG! Do this immediately!” but… I don’t know… there are just all these things that I need to be sure and not forget and little things I need to do soon(ish) and things I want to do but I’m putting off for no particular reason except that I want to do them but not right now but I still keep thinking about them anyway and it’s just more than I want to have to think about and yes, I know this is one stupidly long sentence but that’s what my brain is like right now so I’m going to leave it this way. Oh, and also… I’m getting really freaking tired of cold, gray weather.

But, moving on…

I had one of these when I was a little kid but not exactly like these of course. I can’t remember what it was. A dog maybe? Mine was just cheap plastic but it’s amazing how much fun such a simple little toy can be to a little kid. It was easy to understand how it worked but I found it kind of fascinating.

Aren’t these beautiful?! Ever since I saw this sad old hand-crank sewing machine I have sort of wanted one. I say “sort of” only because I don’t know where I would put it if I had it. I have nowhere to display it like it deserves to be and nowhere at all that it wouldn’t be in the way. If I were to find one in an antique shop for a really good price though, I might not be able to resist temptation. I don’t necessarily even want a fully restored one, just one that is somewhat functional and not in too bad a condition.

Sew Cranky is another hand-crank sewing machine site. I do love a clever website name. This one makes me smile. And even more.

I love these glass tables. Actually, the tables themselves are really not my style but I love what they do to the room.

And finally… Apology Notes. It would be really hard to stay mad at #12.

This could get old after a while

My grandmother had a green parakeet (budgie) when I was little. His hatching date was within a few months of my birthday. He died when we were 8 years old. He could say a few words but nothing like this little guy.

Perspective

I am a somewhat “matchy-matchy” person. (though I hate that term, “matchy-matchy”. It makes it sound like a bad thing.) It’s not about how other people see me. Even when I’m at home, with no one else here to see me, wearing sloppy sweat pants and a ragged t-shirt and fuzzy house socks (my standard wintertime attire) it all has to be color coordinated. (I have relaxed a bit about the socks in the past year.)

Yesterday morning I needed two grocery items and decided to go to the Dollar General five miles away instead of to one of the grocery stores in town 12 miles away. I had on a black and white paisley dress. I had been wearing my single strap Birkenstocks around the house but I don’t like to drive in sandals. Normally I would have worn black shoes with this dress (since it’s after Labor Day so obviously I can’t wear white shoes) but I thought, “If I wear the black shoes I’ll have to transfer everything in my purse to my black purse and I’m only going to Dollar General.” So I wore brown shoes with my black and white dress. I felt uncomfortable about it but I did it.

At Dollar General, as I was in my car about to back out, I noticed a woman walking across the parking lot. She was wearing denim shorts and a loose red t-shirt. She appeared to be in her 60’s. Overall, she was heavy but not grossly huge. But she had boobies the size of basketballs and they were on the loose, swinging free and lively, swinging and bouncing in a disgustingly mesmerizing dance, back and forth, up and down, across her chest. And I thought, “And I was worried about wearing the wrong color shoes? I really need to get some perspective.” But denim shorts and a red t-shirt… those definitely go together. I’ll have to give her that.

Name

I keep getting spam comments from someone or something using the name ShoogeStulfef. I swear if I ever write a fantasy novel I’m going to name a character Shooge Stulfef. I haven’t decided what sort of character he will be. Certainly male, probably large and disheveled, and not necessarily human. Thoughts?

The Real Answers

For some reason – I can’t figure out why – online quizzes are fun, even though the multiple choice questions rarely give me a choice that is anything close to what my real answer would be. So, just for fun, I’m going to give my real answers to a quiz. I’m thinking I might make this a regular or semi-regular “feature”. Or I might not. You know how that goes.

This morning’s quiz is What City Should You Live In? Oh, what fun! I already know the answer to that one but let’s go.

What is the background for your ideal walk? – Woodland trails, preferably with a few hills.

Which of the following seasons do you prefer? – Summer. (Strangely, the quiz left this season out of their choices.)

Which of the following means of transport suits you the most? – Ford F150. Or whatever brand of pickup we end up with next. It’s almost time.

What kind of music describes you? – Bach

Where do you like to eat? – At home. Or at someone else’s home. Or at a nice family restaurant. I don’t care, I like variety.

What is the main quality of every town? – I can’t pick just one. I like multiple good qualities.

What kind of tourist attractions do you prefer? – Museums

Which of these hobbies could be yours? – Okay, I have to admit, shopping is a good answer or I could have picked painting if I had any talent for that sort of thing. My real hobbies: sewing, reading, and spending too much time on the Internet.

What do you like to read? – Science fiction, historical novels, and classics, but if I have to pick just one… science fiction.

What is your ideal party? – A back yard barbeque with lots of relatives.

And, my real answer to “What City Should You Live In?” – You should not live in any city. You should live far out in the country on several wooded acres but near enough to a medium-large city to drive to it once in a while.

Spam of the Day

Your goal is to breed all the different dragons available to you

Well, actually, there aren’t any dragons available to me but I like the sentiment. Maybe it’s meant metaphorically. Yeah that has to be it. I must try to figure out what it means. What a way to start the day. If I got a few more like this I might almost look forward to spam.

Spam of the Week

I just had to save this for posterity before I delete it. My favorite recent spam comment, in its entirety. Sometimes spammers can be so unintentionally poetic.

You could definitely see your skills within the paintings you write. The arena hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart. “Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell.” by Robert Byrne.