What’s been going on with you lately? Frankly, I feel that you are betraying me. I’ve always gone out of my way to make you comfortable, passing up prettier shoes in favor of cushioning, arch support and extra toe room. In the past year I think I’ve been especially good to you. Late last year I bought you the Hush Puppies. I know those make you happy. And then this summer I bought you that nice pair of Rockports, which you seem to be pleased with. But some other shoes, which you used to love, you now complain about.
I put on the lovely, soft, comfortable moccasins that we wore all winter last year and one would think I had strapped you into some kind of medieval torture device. Listen, those are less than two years old! We wear shoes until they wear out. That’s the rule. You can’t, suddenly, on a whim, decide that you can’t wear a perfectly good pair of shoes that you have been wearing without any problem at all. And then there are the red boat mocs that we wear for puttering around the yard and, occasionally, quick trips to town. They were fine last year but just in the past couple of months you’ve been hinting that they might be a little bit too stiff and heavy. Just don’t even start! We’re wearing them until they literally come apart at the seams and that’s final.
Even the shoes you like, you won’t consent to wear for more than a few hours at a time. And yet, you’re not happy going barefoot either. I know, I know, we replaced the soft carpet with a hard laminate floor. Sorry, it was necessary, and for a long while you didn’t have a problem with it. But listen, if you can’t stand to go barefoot anymore we’re going to have to start wearing shoes all the time. Lately we’ve been wearing the cheap sneakers a lot and you’ve been tolerating those, just barely. A few days ago we put on the shoes I bought from L.L. Bean a few years ago – wore them for most of the day and it seemed like they were exactly what you wanted. The next day we wore them again but almost right away you decided you couldn’t have anything touching your instep.
I could go on. We have other shoes but it’s pointless to list every pair and the problems you have with them. Suffice it to say, it’s always something. And what about the Hush Puppies and the Rockports? Well, you’re right; we could wear those more but I hate to wear my newest and best shoes for just kicking around the house. And listen, I’m not buying any more shoes for a long while, not even moccasins. We’re just going to have to work this out somehow. We’ve always gotten along so well, feet. I’ve done my best to take care of you. Don’t fail me now.