Here we are – less than two weeks away from Christmas and there are people out there still pondering what to buy for a person of the opposite sex, be they husband, wife, father, mother, brother, sister, son, daughter, or that co-worker you barely know whose name you drew this year. Well, you’re in luck; you’ve come to the right place. Of course I cannot tell you exactly what to buy but I have helpful tips of a very general nature – which may not apply to all individuals, your mileage may vary, etc, etc, etc.
What men most want to receive as gifts are the things they were going to buy for themselves but haven’t got around to buying yet. Often the biggest problem is getting them to not buy these things before Christmas. What women most want are the things they would not buy for themselves – things they admire and lust for but rarely buy for themselves because they’re impractical, possibly expensive, and it feels too self-indulgent to “waste” money on.
Men want practical gifts – things they can use. Women want things that have no purpose other than to look at and admire and fondle. Most women do like some kinds of practical gifts as long as they’re not in any way related to housework. One possible exception, if she likes to cook, would be high-end kitchen appliances, utensils, and dishes, but be careful.
Men will come right out and tell you what they want – model numbers and everything. Don’t be shy about asking. He would rather get what he wants than to be surprised. Women also will tell you what they want but they’re more subtle about it. In fact, your wife or girlfriend has been telling you all year what she wants; you just weren’t paying attention. If you have to ask you’re probably in trouble. Women do want to be surprised and they want to get what they want.
Men do not care about gift wrap. They expect some kind of wrapping but they don’t care about the color or design and they won’t even notice whether or not it’s neatly and expertly done. The important thing is that the package not take too much time or effort to open. Use paper that tears easily, don’t put ribbon all the way around it and use only barely enough tape to hold it together and even so they will complain and make fun of you for using “too much tape.”
Women, on the other hand, like pretty packages. Most will forgive you for lack of wrapping skills and probably don’t even care if you get someone else to do it for you, though it is a little extra nice if you go to the trouble of doing it yourself. But it must be pretty and it should be under the tree early enough that she has at least several days to admire it and anticipate the magic moment when she gets to find out what’s inside. So what are you waiting for? To the stores!
December 12th, 2011 - 1:12 pm
At long last, the most accurate piece of Christmas advice ever!
December 12th, 2011 - 3:54 pm
So you want a blender from Macy’s wrapped in brown paper and duct tape?
December 12th, 2011 - 4:11 pm
That feels mostly accurate (especially about hoping the guy didn’t buy the thing in question for himself already) but I will admit to liking practical gifts sometime. (One year I asked for two new pairs of “field” jeans, mainly because I didn’t want to go shopping for them myself). And good-quality kitchen stuff – good new knives, or a good-quality-something to replace the bachelor-grade-something I’ve been using – is greatly appreciated. (Also, when you budget tightly like I do? Getting something you were planning on having to buy is nice, because you can rebudget the money you would have spent for something fun.)
But yes on the gift wrap. Please don’t just hand me something – or worse, hand me something in a plastic store bag – and say, “here, I got you something.”
December 12th, 2011 - 8:05 pm
Okay, now I’m sure I’m really a man. Why do I have all this female plumbing?
Seriously, I guess I like things that are pretty and impractical, but in that category I have very specific tastes and I also have this thing about getting gifts like that from other people. As in, I would rather they not gift me things like that. For one thing, they think I’m like any other woman — that I do that passive-aggressive not-really-asking-for-it-that-is-actually-asking-for-it thing. But I’m not like that. If I want something, I’ll say “I want that.” If I’m just admiring something, I’ll say, “ooh, that’s cool.” But I don’t necessarily want it. I’m just admiring it. And sometimes I’m just being polite; a friend will coo over some piece of jewelry or something like that and I’ll agree it’s nice and next thing you know I’m getting this giftwrapped box and it’s something I would never, ever wear.
But as I said, when it comes to frivolous items, I’d rather just buy them myself. I never know what to do when people give me “girl gifts.” My girlie likes are very personal to me; getting them from other people embarrasses me.
So I’d rather get a practical “guy type” gift. Or money. That’s the best one. And I don’t care about gift-wrapping. I appreciate a gift-wrapped package, but it’s not necessary.
December 13th, 2011 - 7:41 am
I probably should be more that way about it myself. I do occasionally buy little luxuries for myself but there are certain kinds of things about which I’ve always, even since childhood, felt that “you can’t buy that for yourself.” I don’t know where that comes from.
December 13th, 2011 - 9:02 am
I’m especially that way about jewelry — the traditional “a man should buy it for you” gift. Anyone else buying me jewelry weirds me out. It’s like someone buying me a bra. (No one has ever bought me a bra — that’s just how intimate jewelry is to me.)
December 13th, 2011 - 11:45 am
I buy jewelry for myself. Somehow I don’t think of that as entirely useless. It’s something you can wear; it has a purpose, not like things that have no purpose but to sit on a shelf and look pretty.
December 13th, 2011 - 8:45 pm
I got my wife a flying f#$k, since she really just wants me to give one, once in my life.
She will honestly just SAY what she wants. It’s easy that way.
Andrea, I once steeled my nerves, squared my shoulders, and walked into a store to buy my soon to be wife not one but three bras. They were even the right size, and I somehow resisted the urge to use them to carry fruit to the checkout counter.
December 13th, 2011 - 9:04 pm
Well, to be fair, you are married to her. I guess it wouldn\’t strike me as weird if my husband bought me something like that. I guess I\’ll have to get a husband first. (Turns towards the internet, the Source Of All.)
December 13th, 2011 - 9:05 pm
Oops, don’t know where those weird backslashes came from. I typed in the captcha code wrong and I guess this is my punishment.
December 13th, 2011 - 9:16 pm
Yeah, I don’t know. Those just mysteriously appear once in a while.
December 14th, 2011 - 8:27 pm
Ahh, but Andrea – I wasn’t married to her then.
I wouldn’t know where to start looking for a husband honestly. Never wanted one myself. Although, I think I know which bars in Tulsa to start looking. Eww.
December 14th, 2011 - 10:13 pm
May I recommend “guy wrapping”?
http://badexample.mu.nu/archives/060589.php
December 15th, 2011 - 9:00 am
Harvey – Just… no.