The Latest Cooking Innovation

He who sent this to me may identify himself in the comments if he cares to but I can vouch for this being 100% true because I know him and he does clever, geeky stuff like this all the time.

Around lunchtime at work today, I noticed I had brought a can of chili, a
spoon, a can opener… but not a bowl. Only container I could find was the
can itself, which of course can’t be put in the microwave. If only I had
something that could make things hot… seems like I have a machine that
could do that at work…

…so without further stalling, I give you … LASER CHILI.

Open a can of your favorite, be it Hormel, Cambells, or Wolf. Add
seasonings to taste.

Place opened can on flat surface on cutting table – 3/8″ Cold Reduced
works great, but stainless or aluminum will serve just as well, so long as
you aren’t trying to balance the can on the rails.

Backfill laser tubes with 5% Carbon Dioxide, 40% Nitrogen, and 55% helium.
If using a FANUC laser, this should happen automatically. Warm up high
voltage supply.

Write program to turn the laser on at 2000 watts, move Z axis to -1.5″,
and move in a 1″ circle for one minute.

Load program into memory, use Manual Pulse Generator (handwheel) to move
head over the center of the can. Enter X and Y position in program. Push
The Big Green Button.

In a minute and a half, enjoy your meal. Feeds one forgetful laser operator.

He adds, “…you have to turn the assist gas off or you will make a mess.” I can only imagine.

3 thoughts on “The Latest Cooking Innovation

  1. Hippie

    What bothers me, is I remember what I have to do for all that to work, but I can’t just remember a bowl in the first place.

  2. fillyjonk

    It’s probably related to why I use my turn signal, even when I’m pulling out of a parking lot where there’s only one direction you can go.

    I guess if I got stuck like that at work I’d use one of the numerous hotplates we have. Then again, I mostly eat cold food (yogurt) so my biggest problem is forgetting a spoon.

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