1. Thou shall not leave your cart in an empty parking spot. – Not much to say about this one. Too obvious.
2. Thou shall not walk down the center aisle of the parking lot. – Not sure about this one. You shouldn’t be driving any faster in a parking lot than a healthy person can walk and I am more worried about the people backing out of parking spaces than about the people driving forward who, I hope, are looking where they’re going.
3. Thou shall travel up and down the aisle like a civilized person. – I am a big fan of the old-fashioned “always keep to the right” rule. It just works out so well when everyone does that. But I usually go just one direction, not up one side and down the other. I keep to the right and reach across for what I need from the other side.
4. Thou shall obey the express line rules. – Yes! Absolutely! A thing that drives me crazy about the local Walmart is that they usually have someone walking around telling people in the regular checkout lines to go to the express lane even if they have more than 20 items. That’s crazy! Why have an express lane at all if you’re going to do that?
5. Thou shalt not decide against the frozen pizza you picked up in the frozen foods section and then place it on the shelf next to the shampoo. – I don’t see this very often but yes, another obvious one.
6. Thou shall respect the invisible checkout line bubble of personal space. – This includes not starting to put your groceries on the belt six inches behind mine if there is no divider. Sheesh, people! Do you really think that’s going to get you through the line any faster?
7. Thou shall treat the cashier with respect. – Yes. She’s probably been on her feet for hours and has put up with dozens of people who have no idea how hard her job is. You will be out of the store and getting on with your day in less than 15 minutes. Whatever it is, just chill.
8. Thou shall not stop at the exit to go over your receipt. – Oh, never mind stopping at the exit. If some people could just get that far. How about, “Thou shalt not stay in the way after you have been checked out, preventing the next customer from moving up to the checkout.” Your turn is over! MOVE! So you have to look at your receipt and put your money in your purse and dig around in your purse for Heaven knows what but take just three steps and be out of the way while you do all that. Just three steps!
9. Thou shall reconsider the self-checkout. – I don’t do self checkouts. Someone else is getting paid to check out my groceries. I do not. If I self checkout I will pay the same as the customers who go through the traditional checkout line. Give me a discount for checking myself out and maybe I will consider it. Maybe.
10. Thou shall not stalk for a parking spot. – I really HATE when people do this and I especially hate when people sit behind me and wait for me to back out. Whenever people do this (unless it’s a holiday season when there really are very few parking spots) I sit in my car and play with my phone until they go away. Sometimes it takes quite a while. It’s amazing how persistent people can be when they’re trying avoid having to walk an extra dozen or so steps.
So what can we add to these? I have several.
Thou shalt not stop your shopping cart diagonally in the middle of the aisle while you take 10 or 15 minutes to read labels and decide what you want. Most people are so apologetic when they realize they’re doing this and you know they do the same thing over and over again. People, why can’t you pay attention?!
Thou shalt not stop in front of the meat case for 10 or 15 minutes trying to decide between the package of hamburger that weighs 3.12 pounds and the one that weighs 3.18 pounds. Just put one in your cart and move on!
If you cannot control your children thou shalt leave them at home with Dad or Grandma.
Thou shalt not engage in private conversations or arguments in the grocery store or anywhere in public. Good grief, people! Have a little dignity!
Okay, your turn.